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every day is better than the last, i could not have asked for anyone more perfect than lindsay line. we get along so well, and everything about what she does and how she does it is so wonderful to me. the way she always smells nice, the way she can just sink into my arms so easily, the way smiles when i say somethign funny, the way i just cant say no to her when she really wants something, simply spending time with her is just amazing to me. dating is nothing like what i fantasized it would be, its better.

and, sadly, the better things get the more determined i get to hold on to her and keep her happpy. i worry more and more about how i look and i know she says i look fine and that it doesnt matter to her how i look but still i feel like i should look my best for her. so im always looking through the abercrombie pictures online or other stuff like that and seeing all these perfect bodies and getting depressed/jealous late at night. thats what i did tonight, i always end up doing extra crunches and situps, more every night as i get more jealous and unhappy. i just feel like i dont look good enough for her, and it isnt her fault it really isnt. she tells me i look fine, but i dont want to look fine for her. i want to be everything she wants, i want to make her happy and make her dreams come true and erg i just dont know how to accomplish the ideal look or whatever.

i want people to be able to ask me 'whats your secret' and be able to answer them honestly. be able to say 'oh its this secret workout routine' or 'this new fab diet'...not 'oh because i skip meals and avoid eating whenever possible'. but its not enough. i just, i dont know, i guess im confused or whatever. i know lindsay would like me just the same if i was 10 pounds more overweight than i already am, but i want to be 0 pounds overweight just for her. she is so wonderful i just...i feel like i owe giving her my best effort to be perfect for her. if that makes sense. it does to me.

but aside from those worries, my life is good. nothing could be better. :-D

back - forward

goodday sunshine - 2004-05-23
swimming banquet night - 2004-05-06
mall day - 2004-05-03
part two - 2004-05-02
lindsay line! - 2004-05-02